toads last post (late due to sick mole)

Be-travelling this journey with you has been incredible.the way you listen to new friends and to my rambles so patiently and tirelessly.you are a natural, what a gift!your little acts of love (bushart!), your enthusiasm, your reflection, your common sense, your clear communication, the way you dont eat tomato unless its thinly sliced-and carrott if its raw.your ability to laugh @ things and be flexible.your nickname is apt and you dont smell.you giggle.Alot.but this is good cos then i join in too.But not when youre on your bike-a hazard to both yourself and other traffic!you dont like birdpoo.you get excited and you shake.you dont like hospitals, but you do enjoy the odd powdered milk and T-Bone cooked in butter at sunrise on a train travelling through the desert ;)

being back in sydney has enabled me to articulate what i loved in the outback (and my other thoughts when i was immersed in waterfalls is still in packages from darwin...haha) and the lush topend.
Out there, space exists to meet strangers.People are viewed as possibilites rather than problems.
(of course this is a major generalisation-im aware that this is simply my experience, and have also experience the opposite of this) but overall, a chance to interact with someone new is a transaction filled with interest and sinceerity.

Since being back i have observed some changed things about my behaviour. I look directly at the people everywhere around me-i stand up tall.as if waiting to stop.chat.sit on the ground.but there is no time it seems in the city for the nobody walking beside you to become your friend.

i felt at home with the generous spirits we met.blown away over and over again with the kindness we recieved, but comfortable as well. At last, seeing in action the desire i feel when upon meeting someone new wanting to help out whichever way you can.
listen.food.directions.laughter.stories.time.
people have been so generous with no questions asked.happy for changed plans to include me and be-if only for a night-with no obligations (most of the time!)

my heart was sad as i looked at people in sydney everywhere, all on a mission, somewhere.no-one smiled back.this isnt to be damning the people (you amazing precious souls!!) i know who live here with life, passion, life, joy, heart, excitement. not at all-its simply a stark contrast to the place (both physical and emotional) i have inhabitated for the past 2 months or so.

this journey has been incredible.and i do feel proud!i feel as if there is another layer of stillness in me.its way down there-but it feels solid.maybe like a massive chunk of beautiful hardwood.smooth, but so dark you can hardly see it.but without it you feel as if you're standing on a thin crust of mud which holds together-just, in the dry and when it rains, manages to reform.no, now ive got a plank.somewhere.dont know why or how or what even, but i feel strong and a bit different.words are cool, but they can also hide where we need to be-silence.which can feel like truth.

the land has a spirit of its own and i feel as if we've just started talking.she's planted in there and nothing can take that away.but its just a seed.may i nourish and protect it.

i feel happy that im made to love.that im made to give.that im made to experience.to learn.to accept.to step back in order for someone else to lead.to step up to things that look too big.to trust.to be open.and to be me.

your support means more than you know.
may we all keep growing.
toad.over.and.out.
xxx